Sunday, August 12, 2012

you down with OKC? yeah, you know me!

more often than not, when my friends and i do something completely ridiculous and/or kooky, it's usually for the sake of the story. i'm going to use that same mentality as my justification for all of us signing up for okcupid. (as if one dating site wasn't bad enough. sometimes i let my masochistic tendencies get the best of me).

below, you'll find a compilation of our favorite interaction thus far. mind you: it's been a week and a half.


i came across your profile and was quite enamored by such an articulate and heavenly blessed beauty. i would be kicking myself if i didn't ask, so i was wondering if you would accept an engagement of witty banter between two intellectuals? of course this "engagement" may start off as purely platonic but my sensual desires will most likely guide our cohesive unity down more erotic, lascivious, and sexual paths that will include but are not limited to passionate make out sessions under the star lit sky, dry humping, fondling each others naughty parts inducing orgasms, and an abundance of new uncharted sexual positions where i assert my pure dominance in establishing a realm of absolute sovereignty in your nether regions. is this something you would be interested in pursuing?


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hmm, i think i know you...you're the spy i met in macedonia last year. the one who got me drunk and stole my rolex spy-cam and briefcase with top secret files as soon as i passed out... don't think the fact you got rid of the eye-patch and got that giant mole removed has me fooled. i'm onto you... 



so what did you spend my 10,000 euros on? diamonds, plastic surgery, chocolate... or what? 

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hey there. i'm on here for some casual fun. i love that you like golden girls and friends... not sure if you wanted to chat here for a bit but i'm available thursday to grab coffee in the afternoon if that would work for you? - this guy. 

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conversation with a stranger is a strange thing sometimes! but i do really like your profile, and we may make good friends. so, let's see. i'll tell you what... 


we can talk about movies... like, for example, i saw 'the woodman's' recently, centering on francesca woodman, the avant-garde photographer who killed herself in 1981 when she was in her early 20's. 

music? i recently recorded my version of "to love somebody" on the acoustic guitar, which was new for me b/c i usually never play other people's songs, so that was pretty awesome. and i'm going to outside lands music festival in SF this weekend! 

food ... recently made a delicious grilled coho salmon with kale and thick cut fries, and yesterday i was grilling some ny steaks w/ grilled heirloom tomatoes, grilled onions, and summer squash. it gave me the opportunity to finally open up that chianti that's been sitting there too long! i love that reddish brown color of chianti and certain tuscan red's, don't you? 

and i went to a glorious ballet class last night, and on my way home, i met a famous musician - reggie watts - who'll be playing at outside lands in SF, to which i am going this weekend! 

how about you? 

:) aly

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my best guy friend lives in hoboken. yes i'd love to set u two up - save u from this site in the process and play match maker :) - this gal. 

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i think we might be soul mates (depending on what ice cream flavor is your favorite). what's your spirit animal? 

joe


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well, with your pulchritudinous looks and my aplomb, i'd reckon we'd be a match made in heaven. and between the rednecks and the degenerates of this town, the quality of men (and women) is pretty sub par, if i do say so myself. it's a crying shame we haven't met already. 

but seriously, 1st rounds on me! maybe the village? and excuse the alliteration, but may we quench our parched palates with some potent potables :) 

ps. 
i'm matt. 
my favorite colour is blue 
jubilee is my favorite xmen 
cranberry juice is the best juice (utis be gone!) 
it's nice to meet me.

his profile:

i am currently in recovery for wanting to have a sex addiction, so ladies, we will adhere to a strict dating plan. i will not put out until after the fourth date, and if you play your cards right you could end up making out with me in an alley behind a dumpster. i am a hopeless romantic... i know women like men that are a challenge, so i have a tattoo on my arm that says 'homo'. my ideal dream woman is a lady who can handle a high level of disappointment. ladies, i do have a reputation in the bedroom. i am known as two pelvic thrusts and a quiver. then, there is my awkward finishing face followed by some karate chops and howling. i do a character in the bedroom called ninjawolf who was raised by wolves and later by ninjas. i do this to distract you until i can get it back up again.

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you should message me if:

you're very laid back but life is on the move.
you listen to all types of music but are your own groove.

you enjoy friday night but cherish sunday morning.
always fun and spontaneous but sometimes boring.

i guess we’re all different, nobody is the same.
just don’t message me if you’re really lame :)


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Your too cute :). i'm too old huh ? For you


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it's been my experience that women who are my favorite zodiac sign...leo...turn out to be serial stalkers that show up unannounced at my door at 3 am drunk, crying, and saying no one loves them. or, they tend to be extremely fun and social.

which one are you? 

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hey this week I was thinking of robbing a bank fleeing down to the ocean and faking my own death. "scuba tanks in the trunk". r u in? ps u should probably bring some sandwiches or something. no egg salad though cause it smells like fries.

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...again. we do it for the stories.