Tuesday, July 24, 2012


the new phenomenon lately seems to be the correlation between wild animals and their human counterparts. for example:

*baby cub

you get the idea.

however, it occurred to me a while back, there really isn't a sufficient animal name for a bro who's significantly your junior. and that, my friends, is how we came up with: veal.

the inception of veal, as you can imagine, has a story behind it.

a group of my college pals and i make an annual trek back to penn state for a brief hiatus from reality to jump down the rabbit hole into full-on college absurdity. itinerary for these weekends is usually as follows:

- drink massive amounts of alcoholic beverages, continuously, throughout the entire 
- buy plastic fangs from CVS and accessorize accordingly at the bars
- go to a gay dive bar and get hit on by lesbians
- hitchhike through state college and enjoy a late night meal with the driver
- tailgate
- fail to attend the actual football game due to level of intoxication (and lack of tickets)
- dance parties in inappropriate places
- squeeze 7 gals into one super8 motel room
- eat late night pita pit (sometimes 2x in one night)
- send fexts (a fext, for those who are unaware, is a text message containing a photograph of 
  food, or most often, you eating said food)
- complain about going to indigo, but secretly love it
- take creepy self-timer photos around campus in the dark when no one else is around

again, you get the idea.

this particular trip was even more unique in that we all made a pact to hook up. but not just with any type of bro. but a bro who is still enrolled in college. and alas, one of us succeeded. and that one of us is "jane" (a gal never veals and tells).

in the aforementioned itinerary above, you'll notice a place called indigo. for those who aren't lucky enough to be penn state alum, indigo is a bar downtown that's gone through a couple makeovers. prior to being indigo, it was players nightclub. and none of us one would have ever been caught dead at players. unless we happened to be one of the 5 black people that went to penn state. but, the best thing you could do for a bar in state college, pennsylvania, is change the name and instigate a $1 drink special before midnight, and you have PSU's greek life in its entirety lining up down the block. and as real-world, hard-working women living in some of the most expensive cities in the universe, we jumped at the opportunity for $1 drinks like a puma on her prey. 

needless to say, it didn't take much for all of us to put on some heavy duty booze goggles. with multiple drinks in hand, we made our way to the dance floor to find our victims. ready to uphold our pact.

after a while of getting weird (there may or may not have been some peanuts dancing involved), we realized jane was nowhere to be found. one of the gals said she saw jane getting down on the dance floor. with a *young* lad. a tad worried, but mostly filled with jealousy, we decided to text jane to see where she ran off to. here is the conversation:

us: u should leave now
jane: going to hotel. bring me food.CFO
jane: xo
us: wha
jane: just **** ****
us: pmg to who

totally literate. 

well, here is what really happened:

jane meets veal on the dance floor.
jane dances with veal on the dance floor.
jane makes out with veal on the dance floor.
jane and veal leave indigo.
jane and veal stumble down college ave trying to find a cab.
jane and veal hitchhike at a gas station.
jane and veal end up at the super8 motel on atherton blvd. 
jane and veal... do stuff.
jane makes veal leave.
jane orders pokey sticks from gumbys. and yes, they still had her phone number on file.
happy valley is now happy endings.

oddly enough, jane is actually a vegetarian.

No comments:

Post a Comment